Request Fill 12: Defining Roles  in TBoPE series
by Caera1996
Summary: One-shot within TBoPE series  no need to read anything else to get this . This is the result of andromeda05's request: Does Jim ever worry if he'll be a good father because of the way he grew up?  Full request inside


Title: Defining Roles  
>Author: Caera1996<br>Rating: G  
>Disclaimer: Not mine.<br>W/C: 1,240  
>Note  Summary: One-shot within TBoPE series (no need to read anything else to get this). This is the result of **andromeda05****'s**request: "We see Bones struggle with his past and sexuality to some extent, and we've seen Jim struggle with hospitals and such, but does Jim ever struggle with his childhood and the abuse and issues that were there. Does anything ever trigger nightmares from that? Does he ever worry he'll be a good father because of that. I'd like to see that too!"

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><p>I hope you like it!<p>

"Hey, Jim," Leonard said, looking up at him from over the screen of his laptop. "I'm going to update Joanna's medical profile to include you as "other guardian". Okay?"

Instead of answering in the affirmative right away, as Leonard totally expected him to do, Jim put down the reports he was reading over and took off his glasses. "Why?" he asked.

Leonard blinked in surprise. "Uhhh…because you're listed as a guardian at McKinley so you can take her out of school. And if she ever gets hurt or is sick, you could take her out of school, and then do something to help by being able to take her to her doctor. Or, god forbid, the hospital."

Jim nodded, but sat quietly, not giving Leonard the answer he was looking for. And the longer he was quiet, the more concerned Leonard became. _Maybe this was too much. Maybe he's having second thoughts about all of this._he thought. Leonard glanced down at the computer keyboard, swallowing as he felt his heart jump into his throat.

"Jim…if you don't want that…if you don't want to be listed as a guardian, that's okay," Leonard said, wondering if this was it. If this was going to be the thing that made Jim realize he was making a mistake.

"No…no, Bones. That's fine," Jim said, looking up at him briefly. "I, uh…I'm going to take a walk." He stood, and Leonard stood as well, still concerned and now feeling a little sick.

"Jim - "

"I just…need a couple of minutes. I'll be back."

Recognizing the futility in trying to get him to stop, and unable to leave the apartment to go with him, because Joanna was sleeping soundly, Leonard sat slowly back down. He listened as Jim put his shoes on and went out the front door, closing it behind him.

And Leonard wondered what was going to happen when he came back.

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><p>Jim opened the door to the apartment quietly. He wasn't gone long, but it was already pretty late when he left, and it was even later now. He'd walked for a while, mostly just going around their block and the next, completely lost in thought. He hadn't expected that being labeled a guardian for Joanna on her medical files would trigger such a strong reaction in him, but it had, and he'd just needed some time to try to sort it out. It just seemed like so much responsibility. Not that he didn't already feel responsible for Joanna. But this…this made it seem just so much more <em>real<em>in a way that he maybe hadn't been completely prepared for.

Coming into the apartment, he wasn't surprised to see Bones sitting on the couch, waiting up for him.

"Hey, Bones," Jim said, pausing to take off his shoes.

"Jim," Leonard said. He looked down, then stood, crossing his arms over himself. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are…are _we_okay?" Leonard asked, his voice carrying his uncertainty.

"Yes!" Jim answered immediately. "Yes." Jim moved to him and wrapped his arms around Bones, feeling the tension in his frame, and immediately feeling so bad for causing Leonard to worry needlessly. Jim leaned into him, loving the feel of Bones' arms around him, and hugged him firmly. "I'm so sorry I worried you. Everything is fine…we're fine. I just…I needed a minute."

Leonard pulled back to look into Jim's eyes. "I don't understand what happened, Jim. You looked so… _spooked_…upset. Will you tell me?"

Jim opened his mouth to answer, then closed it without saying a word, and glanced away with a shake of his head. "It's…well, it's a little embarrassing." Jim shifted, keeping his eyes down for another moment. Leonard waited quietly, waiting to see if Jim would tell him…relatively certain he would.

"Let's sit," Leonard said. He led Jim to the couch and settled back, urging Jim to sit in front of him, his back to Leonard's chest. Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim and Jim took his hands. Being held like this made it a little easier to talk about what had made him feel like he had to run away. He loved Bones for realizing what he needed, and just giving it to him without any comment.

"It just kinda hit me, when you asked about putting me on for the medical stuff, the responsibility of that. Like she was mine to make decisions like that about. Like I was another parent to her. It just…really took me by surprise."

"It shouldn't," Leonard said. "You've stepped into her life pretty seamlessly, Jim. She loves you. And you _have_become another parent to her."

Jim smiled, getting a little thrill at that. He never thought it would matter as much to him as it did, that Joanna loved him like that.

"And that's really awesome. And I love her too. But…I don't know if I'm cut out to be a parent. I mean, I can be the cool uncle or whatever, but the idea of being a parent…it kinda freaks me out. I don't think I would know how. What if I'm not the right type of person for that."

Surprised that _this_was what sent Jim running, Leonard said, "No one really ever knows how to be a parent, Jim. You kinda figure it out as you go. At least, that's worked for me so far."

Jim sighed. "Yeah, but you at least had an example. I only had Frank," he said sourly.

_Oh,_Leonard thought. He knew about Frank, and the dysfunctional relationship the Kirk family endured for a large part of Jim's childhood. The alcoholism, the violence that accompanied that, the confusion of loving someone who hurt him. He knew about it, but Jim was so…perfect…in Leonard's eyes, it was easy to forget that in some ways Jim was still affected by what he and Sam had gone through with Frank.

Understanding a bit more now, Leonard squeezed him and kissed his temple.

"You're not Frank," he said softly. "All you have to do is be you, and you will be the type of person cut out to be a parent."

Jim shifted slightly, turning on his side so he could tip his head back to look up at Bones.

"It's a lot of trust to put in someone, Bones."

"And if I didn't think you were worthy of it, Jim, you would've been driving home that first night…three a.m. or not."

Jim smiled against him, and raised his head from his resting place on Leonard's chest to kiss him.

"I'm sorry I worried you."

"You scared the shit out of me," Leonard said drily.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I didn't mean to."

"I know."

They sat quietly for a little while, just cuddled together like that. Jim tried to take comfort from Leonard's complete certainty, and let it be enough for him when he was still feeling uncertain about himself.

"Jim," Leonard said, after a few moments. "I can't begin to imagine what it was like growing up with someone like Frank. But it never once crossed my mind that what you went through made you incapable of being someone Joanna could benefit from having in her life. I trust you. I'm sure of you. So when you're doubting yourself, remember that I don't."

Jim nodded, but stayed quiet. He would work on being sure of himself. And when he wasn't, he would be sure of Bones.


End file.
